"Monofilamazing!"

Science has just proved there’s only one hair at all,
it’s just very long and quite complex –
it weaves itself in and out of space and time
to become the strands on all of our heads!

The colors and textures and all that shit changes but
it doesn’t matter to physics, just: wow!
We’ve learned the true secrets of this giant –
fuck string theory and the Standard Model!

Everything depends on barrettes and headbands –
we’re partly kidding (but maybe we’re not).
Though we’re pretty sure that global warming is caused
by the great rise in cheap hair extensions.

We must bow before – and condition more –
the hair that is no longer plural.
In all honesty, we’ve lost faith in most
everything else in the entire world.

It may sound strange but the secrets range from
the quotidian to the entirely profound:
somehow this can explain just about everything
from garbage collection, child-rearing, and love,

to petroleum and plastics and what we’re afraid of,
to inequality that’s been baked into law.
Amazingly – no shit, trust me –
this is the stuff that we’ve been waiting for!